Do you believe in what you believe in?

I believe many things. Belief is what provokes all that I do. I think it's fait to say that someone who doesn't believe in anything will find it hard to do anything. For example, I believe that when I type on this keyboard, the letters I am typing will appear on the screen. I believe that when I turn on a tap, water will come out of it. That is why I bother typing on keyboards, and turning taps!

(Briefly, though, I must remember that not everyone has a tap to turn, and there are those who turn taps and the water is not safe to drink... What are we doing about that?)

I drink water because I believe that it is safe to drink it. I study because I believe my brain processes it, and I will see success in my degree as I do... These are examples of what I believe. But what do I believe in? In whom do I believe?

I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and because I believe in Him, and I believe in Him as God, I believe what He says about Himself.

Having been touched my His grace, His saving power, His mercy, His love, it is not difficult to believe what He says about Himself. I accepted Jesus as Lord and Saviour of my life. But the most important thing about me is Jesus, who I believe. So actually, far more important than believing that someone has built pipes in order that I will see water come out of a tap, I believe that God is a powerful God, I believe that He is merciful, I believe all that He says about Himself in His word, which, incidentally, I also believe to be true!

I have been challenged recently as to how much time I invest in believing what I believe about God. Belief stirs faith. Faith stirs action. I know I have faith - the Word of God tells me so - and I've realised that as I spent time believing what God says about Himself, my faith is stirred, and God gives me more faith. Since the things I believe about taps, keyboards and books manifest themselves in my life (I am not thirsty, I write emails and blogposts, I remember what I study), how much more should what I believe in manifest itself in my life?

Initially my question may sound odd - do you believe in what you believe in? But I believe it is crucial. Whom we believe in is what defines us, and I believe that if we spend time believing in God whom we have believed, and still do believe, we will see the fruit of that belief increasingly manifest in our lives.

I am alive

Just a quick post - I should be reading. At some point I may write about Korea, Cambodia, Vietnam and all that... but for now, suffice it to say I am alive.

Malaysia - tick.

Went to Pulau Dayang (a tiny island) in Malaysia to do my Open Water Diving Course this weekend. It was outta-this-world.

Awesome sites, beautiful coral, luminous fish, a green turtle, a jellyfish, a school of thousands upon thousands of fish, good food, wonderful company, escape from Singapore.

NB: going diving made me feel like I was high.

Just a quick one.

I must go to bed, so just a quick post to update y'all.

Am reading Acts at the moment, and it has been really really good! Read Acts 8 this morning, and it brought back so many things I'd learned from it before... It has reminded me that reading something again, not only brings fresh revelation, but can bring back past-but-still-very-relevant revelation :-)

I think the hardest three weeks of my time here ended last Friday. I have a new laptop now. She arrived today, and hasn't broken yet, so she is definitely doing better than the last one. I'm hoping that she will last a good 3 years at least!

I hope everyone in Manchester is doing well! I can't say I'm missing Manchester, but I definitely miss the people there!

Have a beautiful day! And I hope you remember some revelation of old today!

Long time no post...

Sorry! I've been away, then my laptop broke, then I purchased a new one, then that one broke the next day... I'm still trying to get a new one but I have to wait on a refund for the old one... It's been wee bit crazy to say the least!

So... since the last post I've been to Laos, and through Thailand. I caught the travelling bug, so I postponed my flight home, and am going to see Cambodia and Vietnam at the end of term... (I'm going to have to work really hard through July and early August to be ready for my exams in August!) I've done three papers, had huge laptop issues, realised that I've changed, etc etc etc...

Hmm... what's changed?

I've learnt how to be in Christ, well, I'm still learning. Being here, and being in a huge church... not being prominent in it... not doing as much: it's been good to rest, but it was a struggle at first to see where I was in Christ. Although I didn't ever think these things outright, it has become clear to me that my being in Christ is not because I'm on the worship team, or because I'm a youth leader, or because I do all that I do, but rather because of Him, and because of His love and His grace. I am just as much in Christ here, when I'm not doing those things, as I was back home when I was. He doesn't look at me differently, nor does He love me less, nor do I deserve it more back home than I do here.

Ultimately, no matter what I do, I don't deserve His salvation, His love, His grace... I don't deserve to know Him. It's funny (well not really funny) how easily one can slip into finding one's identity in what one does as opposed to what one is.

I think that I've just begun to realise that being in Him, and in relationship with Him doesn't mean just serving Him because I love Him, but that it means loving Him... and that the serving is just something that comes with loving Him. I knew in my head before, but I think I've just begun to experience knowing it.

Honestly? It hasn't been what I expected. I'm sure the rest of my time here will surprise me too. Sorry if I don't post for a while... but no laptop... lots of work... lots of travelling... it means no internet!

Otherwise... I'm really interested and curious to know what has been happening at the midweek meetings at Kings'!!!

That's all for now.

Just be!

Just being in God, in His presence, trusting in Him, loving Him. It's so sweet!

Just give me Love

Take away the comfort of familiarity, tear down structures that give security, strip away reputation, place me away from friends and family, but just give me Love! For Love is my ultimate familiarity, the utmost security, the only reputation I desire, and will love me more than any person ever could. All I need is Love. All I desire is Love. Show me Love, give me Love, for all else is worthless without Him. Let Love love me, for His love is greater than any other love one could ever know. Love saves, Love transforms, Love is "the most excellent way". This Love, He is perfect. "Perfect Love drives out fear". Love does not change. He is patient, kind. He does not envy, He does not boast. He is not proud, nor is He rude or self-seeking. He is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrong. He does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. He never fails. Who is He?

"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him".

So take away the comfort of familiarity, tear down structures that give security, strip away my reputation, place me away from friends and family. Shake my world if it will show me all that Love is. Without Love, I would not be, cannot be. Let all else go, in order that Love may prevail, and Love may reign. May I be consumed by Love. May I live in Love, may all I do come out of living in that Love. I can only love because I experienced the love of Christ, who is love.
Bring me back to Love, than I may go on with Him. My desire is not His blessings. It is not His plans.
I know that Love will take me wherever I need to be, and provide for me whatever I need.

So just give me Love!

At home

Many posts ago, I think I quoted Keri Jones saying "Your home is in God's will." It's pretty simple and easy to say that when you're in familiar surroundings with familiar people around you. Uproot from that and you can become 'homesick'. The best place that we can possibly be is in God's will, because that is home for us. Sometimes I used to wonder whether Manchester had become my home, or if Aberdeen was still home. Now, in Singapore, after a busy day I still come back to my room and feel like I'm home. Prima facie I don't affiliate the concept of 'home' with a place. It appears just to be wherever my bed is! But 'home' brings to mind comfort, peace, rest, joy, love. We can be at home wherever we are, whatever we're doing, just as long as both those things are in God's will, at His timing. This is the only reason I can think of for my (already) being so at home here, in spite of being half way around the world. Of course, everything is new - everything is different. But feeling at home here has helped me to embrace the new and the different and accept it.

I expected to have culture shock, to miss the comfort of roast vegetables which had so become my staple diet in Manchester, to miss the comfort of my now ex-sofa, my housemates too. But everything here has felt so natural, so normal, even though in my head I know and perceive that it is indeed different.

God is so good. I believe that I am just beginning to what having absolute trust and security in Him means for my life. The last term in Manchester was a difficult one for me - just beginning to learn to trust and obey God absolutely. But learning to trust Him, and learning to trust Him afresh everyday as I believe I need to, has meant that He has become the only thing that I view as completely secure and trustworthy. And so it has led me to tentatively conclude that this is why I feel so settled and at peace here in Singapore - because the only thing I put my trust in has not changed. God has not changed. In Him, all that is around me may change, but I am home.

Hello from Singapore!

Well! In Singapore I am. And I am in Singapore! hehe.

I'm here until May 6th, and so I thought I'd blog a bit while I'm here. I say a bit because I can't promise regular updates. It has already gotten so busy!

Thankfully I had a safe trip over here, Emirates was lovely :-). Singapore has been great so far. What I really love is that it reminds me of Korea, but it's really multi-cultural here. So much more so than in Korea. Love it!

I have registered etc... the only eventful happening was that I went to register at the Law School (which has it's own gym!!! And showers!) and they gave me my mailbox key. In my mailbox was more reading that I have ever seen in my life. Some to do for Monday. I'm sure my face was a sight!

I'm asking God to teach me how to study whilst I'm here. I can't wait for all that He has for me here. I have realised that I'm very much outside the safe 'bubble' in which I lived whilst in Manchester. Whilst embracing that, it leaves me feeling a little apprehensive. I know there is much for me to learn here. I hope I learn it all.

B-e-a-utiful

Today was ace! (This is besides the point, but isn't 'ace' such a 90's word?!)

I met up with my very beautiful and amazing sister Han-Na in Birmingham where we went shopping, ate a Krispy Kreme Doughnut (and now, I can never eat another doughnut again under the pretence that it is a doughnut... it was totally AMAZING! I feel like I'd never tasted doughnuts before!), went shopping again (for about 3 hours) and then went to the sushi bar in Selfridges and ate sushi, drank miso soup, and were generally happy.

It has been so long since I saw Han-Na, it was really great seeing her again. I thank God that our relationship is such that we can pick up where we left off (I guess that you get to know each other pretty well when you share a room for over ten years) but today reminded me of how much better our relationship is when we invest time in each other. As I write, I feel challenged as to the friendships that I almost take forgranted because they have become so 'easy'. I'm going to invest more time into those friendships - I already know that these friends are worth it :-).

A truly b-e-a-utiful friendship is surely one where you know eachother so well that you don't need to invest so much time anymore, but do so because you both want to.

Today was b-e-a-utiful. I love my sister so much!

Five Years on...

Five years ago... on August 11th, I believed in my heart, and confessed with my mouth that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that He is Lord.

Five years ago, I was an utterly different girl, absolutely miserable, and totally desperate - I turned to Jesus as a last resort. My life today is the opposite to what it was then... Jesus has transformed me, placed me in a wonderful church, surrounded me with amazing people, and I know that He has an incredible plan for my life as part of His purpose for His glory to cover the earth, for His Kingdom to come.

Five years on, I have never regretted the decision I made that day. God has always been faithful - He has never let me down. He has provided for me in abundance. He has been my loving Father, my almighty King, my sovereign Lord, my awesome God. The more I know Him, the more I love Him, and during this next year I want to know Him more, and therefore love Him more. Everyday, I want to be more in love with Him than I the day before. I want God to have His way in my life, I want to fulfil His will for me, knowing that I'm never at home when I'm outside of His will.

If you don't know Jesus, I want you to know that giving my heart to Jesus was and is the best decision I have ever made in my life, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's the best decision I will have ever made, or could ever make. Should you make that decision, if you choose life, then it will be the best decision you ever make, and it will lead to the best life you could ever have.

Living a Life of Seeing Above and Beyond

I actually started to write a really long post... but I decided just to declare this:

Having returned from an incredible week in Staffordshire, having seen above and beyond, having had half of a beautiful kebab with my ex-housemate Becky (who has now returned from Canada and y'all have no idea how happy that makes me) and having slept in a bed, inside (although, I loved camping)...

I am ready to live the life that God planned for me, seeing above and beyond what the natural eye sees, doing above and beyond what I could do in my own strength, and living a life in which I I continually see and live above and beyond what the world expects of me, and in doing so live the life that God purposed for me...

... and guess what? I can't wait! So... quite simply, I won't.

My Faithful God

The past two weeks have been a bit crazy, emotional... waaah is the best word I have to describe them. I guess 'waaah' because they've been good, hard, mad, breaking, softening, building... yeah... 'waaah' pretty much does it for me I think! Phew! I've been looking for a job. And hadn't found one... was almost out of money... and then!

Surprise! Surprise! (NOT - that is, in retrospect) God has shown Himself to be faithful and to be my Provider once again. Praise God! I got a job :-)! I start on Monday, at CIS (where I have heard that they at least used to give employees free lunch... hmm... maybe I'll start confessing that too!) with the exact shift I wanted, full time, until September, with Bible Week off! Yay!

I got a call today from a temping agency telling me I could have the job they put me forward for on Monday (which was my birthday, it was a good present!). They said on Monday they'd let me know Thursday or Friday. I've been confessing that it's my job since Monday... Today I was claiming it on a rather more regular basis (every 5 minutes?!) inbetween which I asked God to let them call me earlier (meaning Thursday but not actually saying it specifically) rather than having to wait 'til Friday to hear. So He more than answered my prayers (again, in retrospect, it shouldnt have been a surprise) and the call came today! Yay!

Praise be to my faithful God!

A 2nd attempt... on Seeking God.

Seeking God...
This is my calling. This is my life. I live to seek God. God created me that I would worship Him. I seek Him in order that I may worship Him.

My greatest desire is to know God. To know God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. My heart longs after God above all else, but that is not enough. It will not suffice for God Almighty. It is less than what God wants of me. It undermines His deity and sovereignty. God demands everything from me - not just to be the thing I want most.

It does not suffice to love God most, to want God most, to treasure God most, to worship God most, to seek God the most.

It suffices to love - only God, to want - only God, to treasure - only God, to worship - only God, to seek - only God.

It means that I must seek God with all that I am - everything else means nothing, is nothing, is of no importance. When applied to my life, it means that for every decision - no matter how small or big - I must seek God for it, because as I seek God with all that I am, for all that I am, He reveals Himself to me, His plans for me, all that He has for me. Why seek after other things when God has it all for me anyway? As I seek Him, I get to know Him more. I get to comprehend more of God. Why would I want to know or comprehend anything of this world at all if as I seek God, I can know and comprehend Him: God that created the universe, God that created me, God that rules and reigns over the universe, God that is omnipotent, God that is omniscient. Only God is all-knowing, we never will know-it-all. But as we seek God, we seek after Him that knows all, is all.

My God is God, He is not a god, but God Himself, because He is the only God. It is illogical that there could be more than one God because God is by definition omnipotent. And this God of mine is Love. He died that I might be saved. He demands to be worshipped. And so, I do. I have been seeking God my whole life. We all are in our own way. Almost five years ago, I chose to worship Him with my life, my heart. Seeking God did not stop there. To seek God, is to want to know God, to find Him. The more I know of God, the greater my passion for Him becomes. He chose me that I might seek Him and worship Him, and so I do.

It is as simple as that.

Seeking God

...I have returned...

I wasn't here on Sunday, so I didn't hear Tony's preach until this morning (as Becky brought me breakfast in bed... yum.) but upon hearing it, I thought I'd write a piece on seeking God, because God has been speaking to me about it for about a fortnight... So, here we are.

... but do you know what? I'm listening to DAVID CROWDER BAND and I just can't concentrate. So here are some lyrics:

you are more beautiful

than anyone ever

everyday you're the same

you never change, no never

and how could i ever deny

the love of my saviour

you are to me everything

all i need forever

how could you be so good?

there is no one like you

there has never ever been anyone like you

everywhere you are there

earth or air surrounding

i'm not alone, the heavens sing along

my god you're so astounding

how could you be so good to me

eternally i believe

you, you, you, you, you, you

how could you be so good to me

how could you be so good to me?

we're not alone, to sing along

we're not alone, to sing along, sing along, sing along

there is no one like you

there has never been anyone like you

there is no one like you

there has never been anyone like you

there is no one like our God, yeah

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Back Home...

Keri Jones said, "Your Home is in God's will".

It's true. It is nice to go away from time to time, to visit family, to see people that you're not used to seeing... but inevitably you miss where your life is.

If we love Jesus and He is Lord of our lives, our lives must be where He wants them to be.

In the knowledge that God has called me to be in Manchester, to study Law, to be part of King's Church... this is where my Home is. This is where life happens to its fullest extent that it can do. It's wonderful. Fabulous. Fantastic. Great... and... wait for it... AMAZING!

It was awesome to be back in Aberdeen and see my awesome mum and just as awesome sister... Nonetheless it's nice to be back Home... and imagine my excitement at finding Manchester exactly as I remembered it?! That is... grey and drizzling... B-e-a-utiful.

Forgiveness

I listened to Women's Hour (10-11am on BBC Radio 4) yesterday. It was about God, and womens' relationships with God and so on and so forth. I think (although I haven't checked so don't take my word for it) that you can listen to previous programmes online from their website. So if you would like to listen to it, feel free.

There was some interesting discussion on forgiveness, which I, for the most part, didn't agree with, but it was interesting all the same.

This is my response.

What does it mean to forgive?

To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
To renounce anger or resentment against. To absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).

Such is the dictionary definition. But what does it mean to excuse?

To serve as justification for
To free, as from an obligation or duty

So, to forgive means to serve as justification for a fault or an offense. It also means to free, as from an obligation or duty regarding a fault or an offense. Therefore it means that when forgiven, that person is justified in one's heart and mind. Not only that, but they are freed from any obligation or duty related to that fault or offense. Forgiveness is thus not an easy word to define. It is more that just a word given for description. To forgive is a verb. As I was taught in primary school, a 'doing' word. The word necessitates an action. One cannot truthfully say "I forgive you" without actually having forgiven, or forgiving that person in their hearts (and what that means has been outlined above).

What are the limits of forgiveness? The questions of how many times? How repeatedly? For what kind of faults or offenses? These questions will be addressed. Jesus said to forgive your brother seventy times seven times (meaning to go on forgiving them, and forgiving them, and forgiving them, and not stopping there). However much we forgive another person, Jesus has always forgiven us more times, more repeatedly, and more graciously. He is our Lord. When Jesus is Lord, He requires our obedience in being like Him. In the knowledge that He forgives over and over and over again, we must follow in His footsteps. We also know, all from personal experience, that Jesus forgives us even when we repeat a sin. Over and over and over again. Thus it is not only a question of "I have forgiven this sin, and this other one, and yet another one", but also "I forgive this sin now, and again, and again, and this other one now, and again, and again, and yet another one - now, again, again". Are there sins that we cannot forgive? The only one mentioned in the Bible is in Matthew 12v31-32, Mark 3v29 and Luke 12v10. That is God's business. As regards faults against us, wrongs against us, it is not an optional extra to forgive someone. It is a command. The Word does not say forgive up until grievous bodily harm but no further. We are called to forgive, commanded to forgive. He forgave us even though our sin nailed Him to the Cross. Sometimes, I believe, we are powerless to forgive. But because Jesus is Lord, and the Holy Spirit dwells in us, by His power, and His strength, we can forgive: we can be free.

So I meet another contention. What do I mean free? What is the connection between forgiveness and freedom? (Confession - I looked at a Greek dictionary thing and the words appeared to stem from the same thing but lack of logic meant I couldn't get my head around exactly how it worked, and how to get the root word. Under the words for Liberation, however, came a word also meaning Forgiveness.) Before forgiveness, there is a sense that one has been wronged. Depending on the wrong, one may feel different levels of bitterness. This is not, in my opinion (which clashes with that of the lady on the programme) a positive feeling in particular circumstances. In fact, it is never a positive feeling. Bitterness can feed other emotions in negative ways (i.e. anger, sadness, hurt). Bitterness destroys. Jesus doesn't want us to keep a hold of bitterness. It really is that simple (not use of language: simple, not necessarily easy). In forgiveness, bitterness is let go of, and Jesus deals with it. Forgiveness will not only free the wrongdoer from obligation or duty (which, by the way, if they have sought forgiveness of God and of you, whether you forgive them or not, God has done, so they are free anyway) but will also free you of bitterness, because you let go of it.

1 Peter 3v9 says 'Do not repay evil with evil, or insult with insult.' Vengeance does not belong to us. But it does not stop there. It goes on to say to repay these things with blessings. To do that genuinely, one must have forgiven.

Forgiveness is at the core of what God has done for us. How one can say that they cannot forgive, it would be wrong to forgive in this sense, I do not know. It may not be the easy choice short term, but it frees us from the destruction wrought by bitterness.

A long blog entry I know, but I could not sit idly by and write about something else when many heard that Radio programme. I disagree with what was said. The only thing I agreed with was that the contributor seemed to understand, on the surface at least, what forgiveness meant per se. What forgiveness means from a Biblical viewpoint, I do not think was understood. That is what I have attempted to convey here.

Worthy

To be worthy according to the dictionary is to have sufficient worth, to be deserving, to be honourable or admirable, to have merit, or value.

To have sufficient worth... I like that. When we say that Jesus is worthy of our praise, we are saying that Jesus is of sufficient worth for us to praise Him. It's true. He is of sufficient worth. But is that it? Jesus is deserving of our praise: absolutely right. He is also honourable and admirable (not either one, but both). He has merit and value. Although it is true that He has merit and value, indeed he has both, it does not seem enough - it does not satisfy my heart's desire to praise Him. He is of sufficient worth - His grace is sufficient, (Amen!) but is that it? It doesn't seem to be enough!

Jesus has more merit than anything in the universe. He is far more valuable than anything that we can attain for ourselves in life. He is more than merely sufficient. He is abundant. The gift that He offers us, that is, faith, enables us to believe that He is Lord and to consequently be saved. Thus He offers us life, everlasting life. He offers us a second chance, a chance to live a fulfilled life. We cannot life a fulfilled life without Him.

Worshipping God is what fulfils us. We're going to spend eternity doing just that, so how could it not do? In His presence, we cannot do anything but worship Him. In heaven, we will tell Him, amongst other things, that He is worthy. Who are we to tell Him so? What have we done? Praise God He has made it so that we can even be near Him, never mind call out His holy name and tell Him what He is. How awesome is His love? That we can stand before Him, gaze at Him, and praise Him?! Wow! In my opinion, the dictionary does not encapsulate the entire meaning of that adjective, but that's alright, because no words can sum up what God is anyway.

Who do you turn to?

2 Kings is underway... and God has been speaking to me through it pretty powerfully...
I'll share a little:
In the first chapter of 2nd Kings, King Ahaziah is injured in an accident and he sends a messenger to ask Baal-Zebub, the god of Ekron, to see if he will recover from the injury. The Lord tells Elijah this, and tells Elijah to go and ask them: 'Is there it because there is no God in Israel that you are going off to consult Baal-Zebub, the god of Ekron?'
In total, 103 men died because Ahaziah turned to the wrong god. 2 messengers, 100 men, and Ahaziah himself.

This caused me to think about who I turn to when things are tough, or if some sort of 'accident' occurs in life. It is absolutely crucial that we turn to God. To turn to anything else can, but for the grace of God, have fatal consequences, and depending on how we go about it, can affect the lives of those around us as well as ourselves. And if we think about it, would Baal-Zebub have given the right answer? Would he have given any sort of answer at all? Why, why, why would one turn to anyone or anything other than God when we know that we have access to God - the King of kings and Lord of lords?! It does not make sense to do anything other than turn to God. Sometimes, as I keep discovering, we do not see what is so manifest before us: Praise God that He abounds with grace!

Cool People

A post about some astounding people who have blessed me today! :-)

Catherine Longson - she made me a cup of coffee which I have in fact just finished. Thank you Catherine! She is very cool. Am babysitting for the Longsons tonight actually, their daughter is awesome! Andrew and Catherine are such a blessing to me in the form not only of cups of coffee but in the form of a lift on Sunday mornings, which means half an hour extra in bed. Much appreciated! And how could I forget - Catherine has a fantastic voice (a total blessing) and Andrew is a fantastic drummer (keeps the whole band going! it's a bigger job than you realise...).

Ian - no need for a last name because he is reknowned everywhere anyway. Today Ian blessed me just by taking time out of his busy, busy day to chat for a few minutes. When you think about how busy this guy actually is, and remember the preach that he did at I.D. once about the value of time, it's such a blessing that he is always prepared to make time for us lot. Ian is AMAZING... I wonder if he'll ever read this to see... but in case he does, if you agree, please leave a comment. (you can do that for the Longsons too if you like... and the people to follow)

Channings - I have just seen Steppi. Smiling as always and always such a blessing to me! That whole family has been a complete and utter blessing to me in letting me into their family (pretty big deal when you think how many of them there are already) and being there for me constantly. The Mr. and Mrs. are like parents to me, Debs is one of my best friends, Josh dates my housemate, Esther, Luke and Grace are in the Youth... Liv, Joseph and Nathanael are cute. They are a blessing!